e-Book Pricing

You are probably wondering how I can offer an e-book for $1.99 without starving my wife and child. After all, e-books typically cost $15 or $25, often in excess of the cost of a physical book that you can place on your bookshelf to impress your friends without even reading.

E-books are expensive, of course, because they are expensive to produce. In order to manufacture an e-book, a publishing company must first print a physical copy and distribute it to a scanning warehouse. There, an advanced machine will page through the book, destroying each page as it scans. At the end of the process, there is a single e-book created alongside the corpse of a printed book. For each e-book, a physical book must die.

This is similar to the manufacturing process of decaffeinated coffee. Although this abomination is missing its most important ingredient, the only way to make it is to take normal coffee and strip it of all caffeine. Thus, the manufacturing process renders decaf at a price in excess to its useful cousin, normal coffee.

True fact #1: I am a member of the Professional Pricing Society

Similarly, the typical e-book incurs all of the cost of a regular book in addition to its digitisation. Publishers must then pay the digital fee on top before distributing it to your e-book reader/HDporn viewer.

I have many, many, litigatable patents pending, so I will not disclose my methods. However, I will assure you that I have discovered a way to create true digital copies of my book at a variable cost NEAR $0. It is basically free to create a copy of my book. The exact technique is quite technical, including such technologies as “copy and paste”, so don’t concern yourself with the details.

True fact #2: The Professional Pricing Society is a real thing. Seriously.

Just realize that I have eliminated the vast majority of costs from the typical e-book including printing, distribution, marketing, tour junket, cocaine, and bags of yellow-only M&Ms. Believe it or not, my only costs are my worthless time, a freelance editor to fix comma splices, and the cut that faceless corporations such as Amazon and Barnes and Noble take from me while simultaneously destroying the book market and undermining free society at the same time.

Please, don’t question things such as why a Harry Potter e-book costs more than a gun at Wal-mart. Just spend the $1.99 to read my book, and then give it an excellent review.